I had my sports’ physical today.  Ugh.  I hate clinics, the wait is treacherous and the doctors make you feel uncomfortable.

Like always, the doctor commented on my shoulders.  Ever since my freshman year, they have had an issue with grinding.  When it’s quiet, you can even hear the friction and popping.  I can feel it, but it doesn’t hurt, it’s just a pressure kind of feeling.  During swimming, they can hurt, but not to a high enough degree to hinder me.  Still, the doc suggested I see a physical therapist and start taking a supplement to ‘oil my joints’.  He said right now it wasn’t too bad, but it could lead to a rotary cuff.  I’m not exactly sure what that is – I need to search it.  When I told C., he agreed with the doctor.  I am frustrated by the whole thing - aren’t I too young to have joint issues?  I guess not

If it doesn’t snow terribly, C. is driving up tomorrow.  We are going swimming and possibly ice skating.  All ending with a well-deserved cuddle and a movie.  If the weather doesn’t cooperate, it will be yet another week away from him.  Everything just keeps getting pushed back further and further.  Next weekend, he has to come; its my twin nieces’ birthday and they will have a fit if he doesn’t show.

Sorry, I’m rambling >.<

I almost don’t want to see C…he has his high-and-tight, now.  I love his fuzzy head when his hair is so short, but seeing him like this reminds me how little time we have left before he starts training.  Three months, one day.  I’m going to spend a lot of time with his family, I think, when he’s gone.  His mom doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not her daughter, and that’s fine with me.  I think being with them might help us both out.

I love my marine…but isn’t he too young to fight? 

Oh well, right?  Just have to grow up and press on.

M

Driving the half-hour distance home from school, I grew bored. 

So, I decide to talk to our student, H.  She has her earbuds in, but is still ‘listening’ to me.

M.  Yikes!  Did you see that cop?!  He was tucked in there but I was just coasting so I’m okay I think.

H.  Mmm.

M.  But that would be soooo bad if he pulled me over.

H.  Yeah.

M.  I mean, he could search my car.

H.  Ohhmmmhhmmm.

M.  And find the body.

H.  Hmm.

M.  You know, the prostitute I killed last night in my drunken rage.

H.  Ohhh yeah mmhmm.

M.  With the piano wire, remember?

H.  Mmmm.

M.  Want some ice cream, Hyere-Bear?

H.  -takes out earbud-  Did you say something?

M

My ex-boyfriend, I., was dating my friend D. for about two months.  D. and I were friends during the 11 months I. and I were dating, so its slightly awkward.  But I’ve tried to be as supportive as I can…which is difficult when all you want to do is scream he didn’t love me, he used me, he cheated on me, you will be no different.  Even without my honesty on the subject, D. decided to break up with I.  She said that a few weeks into dating, she lost her virginity to him.  Then, that was his only focus.  He wouldn’t go see her unless she promised him ‘something’.  When she made plans with him, he broke them to be with J. 

Tigers really don’t change their stripes.  I hate to compare him to a tiger – there is too much honor and passion in a tiger.  Perhaps something about a pig, or a worm, or a rat, or a cockroach…

Why am I so bitter about this?

Because even though I was supportive and never told D. to break up with him…he blamed me by shoving me over the stairs.  After two stairs, my friend B. caught my arm.  I’m thankful but still really upset.

So since October, he has hit me with a car, tried to push me down a flight of stairs, fabricated love notes, shoved me into lockers, badmouthed me and my boyfriend…

Dear Lord, I know lent is a time for forgiveness, but I truly hate him.  I have pity on him, but I still hate him no less. 

M.

While there are so many things I oppose about President Obama’s stimulus package, I am going to focus on one thing.

Government funding for embryonic stem cell research.  That is one of the most debated issues in America, right up there with abortion.  While I personally think stem cell research is a good thing, I think the use of embryos for it is morally wrong.  Such research can be conducted (sometimes much more effectively) with skin cells – therefore, why create a child (or fetus, if you prefer) only to harvest it’s cells?  Would you create puppies, kittens, foals, baby anything only to destroy them?  Then why is it okay to do this to humans?

No matter your opinion on it, I can respect it.  However, understand how horrible it is that my tax dollars are going towards something I consider immoral.  Something a good portion of America considers wrong, and something most Americans agree is a ‘gray area’.

I’m not 18 yet; I cannot vote.

But I am being taxed (taxes have gone up, too) to fund something I consider evil.

Taxation without representation?

Henry David Thoreau once was jailed for failing to pay his taxes.  He stopped paying them in protest to the Spanish American War.  I do not condone this, but I have a feeling history will repeat itself…

Just an added fyi – because of the length of the bill, and the fact President Obama did not give the 48-hour notice he had promised, the 1400+ page bill was not fully read by Congress before signed.  As in, if they don’t know what they’ve signed, we as Americans are not fully aware what our tax dollars are going towards, nor do we know to what extent.

Just something I hope you think about, and research.

M

Quote Of The Day : Before we acquire great power we must acquire wisdom to use it well.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

First…drumroll please…is the blonde moment of the day!  During my World Geography class we were discussing the fires in Australia that killed over two hundred people.  About five minutes into our chat…

A.R.  But I just don’t understand – how can a fire kill people?

M.  …by burning them to death?

Alright, now, I’m having trouble planning my summer.  There are several things I want/need to do.  I’ll underline the ones that are mandatory.

• work at Lakeview – weekdays 1600-2000, weekends 1130-1500 – $7.75 hour
• lifeguarding – no specifics on hours – training is soon – $8.00 hour
• second required computer class – can request to take it online, or in a summer school program
• Physics through JCCC – will have to have a job to pay for it…summer school program
• Tigersharks swim team – daily 0900-1100 – will only be able to do if I get a scholarship [good possibility]

I also want time for my marine [when he's back ], time for serious biking, time for my own swimming, time for friends…ah I don’t know what to do.  I’m thinking about taking the two jobs, doing the computer course online, and possibly swim team…any feedback?  My other main option is JCCC class, computer course online, and Lakeview.  I could also do computer class in school, work at lakeview, and swim…but I really need the money so…yeah.

Off to attempt that homework I’m avoiding.

M.

All on board the trackless train!

• One of the [few] things I will miss from the midwest is its beautiful skies.  Sunrise looks like the pearly coating in the inside of a shell – pinks and purples and golds, soft.  Then again, the dead, cracking carcasses of century old oaks that scrape across the morning sky can lessen its luster a bit…  Sunsets will literally make you stop and pray, make even the non-religious wonder about a master painter whose masterpiece illuminates the sky.  Little windows into heaven, their light spills through the breaks in russet and indigo clouds…ahh its lovely!  And the night – if you can escape from the city lights – every star so perfectly placed, you can see them all…  I think I’ll miss this when I go.
• I wish I were a few years older.  I want so much to be a mom, now.  That family whose four or five children aimlessly wander up the aisle with the bread and wine at mass, then are gently ushered back to their seats by their parents.  I want the candied-sticky hugs, the two-AM wake-up calls, the Santa Claus role…I want to take them with me, expose them to new things, watch their reaction to things like the ocean and birds and music.  I think I’ll even enjoy being pregnant, having someone growing inside of me, someone I will have already loved unconditionally…But, I need to be realistic.  I am being realistic, cheating only slightly by daydreaming everytime I see kids or hear my nieces squeals when they see Aunt Maggie…  One day, I’ll be a mom, and those kids will be the most anticipated, loved children on earth.  Just, not now..
• In no [okay, slight] relation to the previous topic is my C.  I am finally secure, I believe.  I can start to listen about his previous girlfriends, current female friends, etc. without getting jealous or afraid.  I can trust him and tell him what’s on my heart and mind, knowing he will not think less of me.  I am okay [as possible!] with him leaving for training for weeks or months at a time; he won’t cheat on me.  These are new feelings, this trusting business.  I look down at his old, class ring, knowing I am the second girl to wear it, yet also [here comes that word again] trusting I will be the last girl to wear it.  I love him, I hope my love and trust only continues to grow and develop.  [it will]

M.

A view of the Sunrise at about 0700 hours, on 75th street and I-35.  I took it yesterday morning.

Herr P. is a die-hard KU fan.  The school has long since caught wind of this, kidnapping his beloved Jayhawk and later helping him put up MISSING posters throughout the buildings.  Well, a new prank was formatted and took place today.

When we entered his classroom first hour, the ceiling was filled with purple, white, and silver balloons – two balloons deep.  For those who don’t know, those are KSU’s colors, and KSU is one of KU’s rivals.  Balloons were tied to his podium, his desk, his chair.  And in that chair he sat, reclined, accepting defeat with a smirk.  The rest of the day was a local fair – any student who passed in the hall was begged to take at least two balloons.  During class, all of our voices rose 3 octaves.

It was a good day.  I hope that tomorrow the room is filled with black and gold – marking the game against Missouri that night!

Is there really any better way to start a Monday?!

M.

Daily Quote : “He’s had a change of heart!”   “A lot of good that will do him; he’s still got the same face!” Groucho Marx

• I submitted three poems to FACETs.  The first two were accepted, My Dream was not, though.  I’m not upset, and I’m still happy the other two were okayed, but…it’s still a slap in the face when you pour your heart into something and its rejected.  Flat out rejected.
• I spent Saturday at JCCC, as uneasy as a blind man flying a B2.  When I have a fear, I force myself into confronting it and getting over it.  I’m afraid of independence, doing new things without a safety net.  So the more time I spend there, the more comfortable (hypothetically) I will grow.  Plus, their library is amazing, and I am going to start doing homework there.  Nerd.
• I sent the the entry about my dad to him.  We had a nice conversation later.  I really do love my daddy.
• Sadie Hawkins dance was alright.  S. felt awful because he thought I didn’t have a good time.  He gets under my skin but he is definitely one of my best friends.  We did have a lot of fun together, and I thought he was unusually sweet to me and tolerant of some of my rude friends.  We left the after party less than 10 minutes into it because someone pulled out a bag of joints.  I’m not trying to be holier than thou, I just don’t want to even be near that stuff, let alone people using it.  I also got lost in KCMO at least half a dozen times that night -laughs- it was memorable.  I wish C. had been there.
• I.’s new girlfriend won’t stop texting me.  She wants to break up with him, she’s fed up with him.  What do I say?  I don’t want to break up their relationship but I can’t make excuses for him.  He just hit me with his car, what, ten days ago?  There were obvious reasons I broke up with him, similar to the ones she is rattling off.  I just…I wish she had someone else to go to.  But she knows that I emphasize with her best, so I guess that’s why she chose me to talk to…all I can do is be honest, and hope I’m doing what’s right…yikes…where is the ettique book on this one?
• Made my manager mad today.  I should get my picture up next to Employee of the Month only with BEWARE:  Worst Employee of the Month written under it.  Have Month crossed off, just leave it as Worst Employee…I’m not a bad waitress, I’m just clumsy when I bus tables.  And reset tables.  I only broke like 5 glasses…or 6…

My daddy.

M.

Daily Quote : So, I bought a new cd and I was trying to get it open but couldn’t with all the layers..I mean plastic and then tape and the tape is like government tape. It says open here..is that sarcasm?, and buy batteries and they are in there with layers and layers of cardboard and then scissors….you need scissors to get into scissors, what if you were buying them for the first time? you wouldn’t be able to get them open. Then you try and buy a light bulb and it’s this thin thin cardboard …..what are they thinking? “Ohh they’ll be fine”.  Ellen Degeneres

I have been thinking a lot about my dad.  He just turned 57 this past Monday.  He’s having some health problems, including bad gout and high blood pressure.  It’s hard to watch the man I admire more than anyone fading away.  This man served in the military over 30 years (CMS, USAF), dabbled in real estate, and was a very well known radio voice (Stan Andrews).  Ontop of that, he found time to raise his four children and five grandchildren.  He is the most honorable, honest man.  Period.  There will never be anyone who has influenced me more and encouraged me more than my father.

One of my favorite little memories of my dad was several summers ago.  I was attending a girl scout camp about four hours away, and my dad drove me there.  The entire way, we had an America CD on loop in the car.  We knew the songs so well that by the time my dad picked me up two weeks later, we sang our own harmonies to the songs.  Windows down, America up so loud we couldn’t hear traffic (let alone our own voices) over it…after we had no air left in our lungs, we cranked the music down and talked.  We talked and talked and talked…and no matter what I told my dad, he never judged me or said I was wrong.  I have never felt so open with anyone like my dad.  It was a fun car ride where we got really close, and sang and laughed and shared experiences…

I love my dad very much.

I wish he knew how much I appreciate him.

I hope he remembers that day, too.

M.

Daily Quote :  Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad.  Proverb

•  Math class, fourth period.  Mr M is continuing trigonometry and reviewing a little triangle geometry, and I quickly point out it is easier to measure the height of the tree than: the length from the top of the tree to the point you are standing and the length from the bottom of the tree to that same point, measure the degree between the two, and figure out the height of the tree.  Call me crazy.

Mr. M : May, please tell me you aren’t going to be that student!

M. : I’m just curious.

Mr. M : Don’t you remember what that did to the cat?!

• JCCC is confusing.  I’m trying to register for a few classes this summer semester, mainly physics.  But I didn’t take the perquisite math class required for it – I skipped and went into PreCalc.  I did get a high score on my COMPASS test, high enough to take Chemistry without college algebra…I just don’t know if that test is good enough to get me into Physics or if there is another test to take?  Gah.  Alles schwerig!
• I need to be working on my next research paper, on Groucho Marx.  Sadly, the outline is due tomorrow and I have no idea how to write it.  Insert dramatic gulp here.
• The History Club’s soup collection went amazingly well – we had a little too much fun constructing a fort out of the cans for photo purposes.
• I’m taking the ACT next on April 4th – same day as prom.  Yay?  Trying to beat a 31, should be fun.
• Slightly old news, but I’m excited to shadow Mr. S this spring.  He’s a well-known civil engineer here in the KC area, he designed the intersection at I-35 and 87th [for those who know what I'm talking about].  Whenever I’m discouraged, I remember that I just need to keep going, and my work will pay off.

M.