No this is not a serious post.  Just something that made my day.

Sonntag 17 Oktober 2010

“…so funny story.  There’s a website in Germany called marcophono.net – it is the perfect setup for prankcalling.  You can pick a “situation” from the list – including but not limited to : “thank you for the 10,000 euro donation” “you are the winner on an (expensive useless product) on ebay” “your pizza is coming late” “come to jesus” and “I see you just called my office – excuse me can you speak LOUDER? – I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU”.  We chose the good ole “you failed to sort your trash correctly and are in big trouble”.  Of course, that would never work in America, but in Germany they DO have to sort their trash, and CAN get fined for doing it improperly.  So yeah, you pick a situation, punch in a number, then click the phrases to “talk” to the victim.  We could hear everything but he couldn’t hear us laughing so hard we were barely breathing…

…it’s only logical that my hostbrothers and I just had to call poor, unsuspecting Markus.  We went the trashy route, insisting to be a trash inspector who was heavily dissatisfied.  Things that belonged in the brown bin was in the green, and the green in the blue, and so on.  His failure to properly sort his recycling and/or waste could do detrimental harm to our environment.  We had the poor guy going for 2 full minutes – “yes sir” “yes I understand” “I’m sorry sir” – before he caught wise and hung up…

…he never guessed it was me…

…until I called him later to remind him to sort his trash.”

M

Anything and everything my 7-year-old German hostbrother says.  Such as his insistance he wants to move to Kansas, USA, because I told him the beaches are beautiful there.  He’s already begging his mom to let him be an exchange student there.  Or his idea that there should be special cars and highways designed for women with pillows everywhere and bathrooms every 3 minutes.  He is under the impression that the “woman section” in the parking garage is not designed to cut crime, but actually because the women would get lost if they were not directly next to the exit.

Hopefully he doesn’t fall in love with a Kansas girl anytime soon!

   

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

He is my heart…the mind cannot withhold secrets from its own heart…

Mittwoch 13 Oktober 2010

…so yesterday Markus picked me up after school in R.  We took the train into the city and walked into the cinemax.  I love the theater because it has all these movie scenes painted around the building – like Jurassic Park and the Simpsons.  We saw “Despicable Me” and probably laughed more than the child audience for whom the film was intended.  I love that he allows me to be a little kid.  Then we went to this cheap little Thai place by the K.S.H.  He told me how he blew out his knee last year playing soccer.  He couldn’t walk for 6 weeks, and can’t play sports anymore.  From what he told me, I think sports were his life before that happened.  It’s really sad.  He also told me about family issues.  The parents of his mom and his dad always fight.  It is to the point that Markus has absolutely no contact with his mom’s family.  Last week the grandparents called his mom and told her she was a terrible daughter.  It’s really terrible because his dad’s family – the only people he has access to – include only a grandmother.  All his aunts and uncles are dead, he has three cousins on his mom’s side that he doesn’t know, and he’s an only child.  I can’t imagine how lonely Thankgiving would be, if they had it here.  As fucked up as my family situation is, at least I have one.  I always felt alienated by my half-siblings, but at least I’ve always had the crazy Schreiner family and Aunt Sue and all the second and fourth cousins six times removed.  And Aunt Karen and Cori – what is a holiday dinner without a huge family to drive you crazy?…

…I think he’d do really well with my family.  My nieces and J would love to play (a safe amount) of soccer with him.  I can see him sitting outside with my dad next to a fire, or going shooting with me.  We are different from eachother in so many ways, but I can see him staying in my life.  Its just a matter of figuring out if he is really who I want, and how to keep him without compromising my dreams…

…he came at noon Saturday.  I had music until eleven, but I was there to pick him up.  We walked through the city and bought a flower for my hostmom.  Then we went to R.  I had to go to the doctor but eventually we sat down together for dinner.  Then Markus and I met up with Jo at the C. for a drink in a room designed to look like a sea cavern – with fish in the floor!…Sunday Markus was over early.  We ate breakfast together before all going to (an amusement park).  It was free for everyone from my village – yay!  We met up with Jo and therefore had to ride every waterride.  We also rode the main costers.  We went to the knight show and saw Jo’s French lover.  A guy dressed like Charlie Chaplin called Markus “Peter”, embraced him, and pretended to steal his wallet.  The entire audience was laughing almost as hard as I was…afterwards we found out my hostdad had broken his foot and was in the hospital…Monday I came home for lunch and he was there.  We walked up the mountain in R.  It was romantic, very romantic, but when we tried to enjoy the romantic mood in a lookout cabin, a jogger ran past.  We decided lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice, when lo and behold an elderly couple walked by.  We decided to give up.  The awkward part was walking past the old couple on the way back down the mountain!…

…awkward but endearing.  I really like that we can be ourselves with eachother.  It’s only when you stop caring how they’ll interpret you, that you can be yourself.  And its only when they see you as you are, and accept you just so, that they can ever love you.

So a friend on the site asked me why I wasn’t posting.  Having the time of my life is a pretty good excuse, but I think I can share some of it from now on.  So I’m going to try and post small bits from my diary – things that really mattered to me or affected my life.

Dienstag 12 Oktober 2010

I’m only in the school for three more weeks – until Herbstferien.  Then I can hopefully spend a few days in Bonn.  Right now Markus is in K. for his earlier Herbstferien.  He is staying with J’s old host family.  My own host family has had him over once for breakfast, twice for lunch and twice for dinner in the past 4 days.  But before he came they made a big deal about not wanting to even meet the guy.  I’m not sure if maybe they genuinely like him or if they are going to be mad at me when he leaves.  I wish this situation wasn’t so uncomfortable.  At least they are getting along with him and seem to like him.  He really likes my hostdad…

…I just feel so stressed right now with my hostfamily.  Not just regarding Markus – although they wanted to kick me out at one point because of his “complications”.  But I’m always terrified I’m not going to meet their expectations and they’ll want to kick me out again.  In example my hostbrothers.  I try to talk and joke with them.  But its really hard to know what to say or do.  Its not like I had little brothers in America.  I really don’t know how to interact with them, and I’d like to think my host mom at least sees my constant effort.  I help them with homework, I talk to them, I read with the littler one.  I do like the family.  I think they are nice.  I’m just scared they are building up to another conflict.  Like something’s always wrong and they aren’t telling me until it’s too late.  And I’m so thrilled by how nice my host mom is right now to Markus, but I’m scared its all superficial.  Maybe I’ll never feel comfortable here…

…I wonder if I’ve changed since I got here.  I wonder if I’ll like who I am when this is all over…

…sometimes Markus really surprises me.  Especially with how he handles (both!) my hostfamilies, and the distance.  I can see a possibility of staying with him, even when I have to go back to America…

…should man love out of practicality, or adjust his life plans to be with whom fate decides?  Where’s the happy medium?

To stay in Germany after the year is over, or to go home?  It’s always hard to pick between two good things.  Especially when the choice will change the entire outcome of your life.  To go to Germany with the program in the first place, or not, right? 

I wish I knew what I really wanted.  Then maybe I could figure out the best way to get there…

I’ve been having essentially the same dream every night for weeks.  I’m dating a boy, and I’m happy.  The parts I remember include holding his hand and falling asleep on his shoulder.  But then, he always disappears.  I can’t fnd him and I can’t remember his name.  Then the dreams warp themselves into other stories, but I can’t focus because I’m trying to find him.  Last night, I found him and woke up.

It’s weird.

In other news, I’m getting interviewed tomorrow to be one of 25 young adults nationally to be send to Gemany for a year for an internship.  Fun stuff.

M

Everyone is ranting and raving about the election of Brown, about Obama’s new budget, about healthcare.  Most of the people engaged in these conversations have no research – very few even watch five minutes of slanted cable news.  But yet each person feels they HAVE to have an unfounded opinion on EVERYTHING, and not only do they need to share it with EVERBODY, they have to drown out OTHERS by screaming loudest.

Here’s the truth: no one cares what you think.  Not really.  People who have the same conclusions as you will jump on that fact and use it to reinforce their egotistical opinions, but do they REALLY care what you have to say?  No.  And if they don’t agree with you, you might as well shut up your mouth and ears as the waves of propaganda beats the fight from you.

In fact, people don’t even care the platforms of politicians.  He’s black?  She’s a woman?  He’s republican?  She’s liberal?  He’s Christian?  They vote in masses.  How many of you loyal voters can name ONE legislation worked on by ONE senator, representative, or president you have voted for in the past four years?  How many can recount the issues and the politician’s stance?  How many of you watched Obama’s speech?  How many of you were too busy watching the KU/K-State game, or didn’t even know Obama WAS giving a speech?

I’ve lost friends, a boyfriend.  Grades from biased teachers, hours from opinionated managers.  Family connections. I’ve lost a lot for having well-founded opinions, and lost even more for trying to always evolve as I receive new information and engaged in conversations with others. 

I’m a libertarian.  I don’t care if you are right or left, green or industrial.  As long as you have a researched opinion, or one based on your own experiences, I care enough to listen.  And if I don’t agree, I still respect you…

Sadly, I feel very alone in trying to respect real diversity.

In the end, it doesn’t matter.  No one cares what I think, and no one cares what you think either.

It’s all about who yells the loudest.

I’m done with politics - for today.

May.

My Comp 2 Professor recently returned papers.  I was docked to an A- not due to failure to fulfill requirements or lack of writing style, but because she felt the personal section was too subjective-feeling for her.  Ugh.  I hate how professors grade on ‘feelings’ rather than rubrics.  She should read my xanga if she wants personal

So here are some personal updates.  Pretty much just random thoughts.

I learned how to make a more nutritious sports drink today in nutrition class.  I’m not sure why I’m taking it, considering I don’t need it for graduation.  I think it was like the only non-full class in that timeslot or something.  But it is fun.  It’s pretty much, to each (1/2 gallon) water: (1) pack Kool-Aid, (1/4 cup) sugar [you need real sugar for the simple carbs/quick energy], (1/8-1/4 teaspoon) salt, (1/2 cup) real, unsweetened orange juice [squeezing it yourself works].  The Kool-Aid gives the flavor, the salt helps retain water, the sugar gives immediate energy, and the orange juice provides the potassium (as well as other vitamins and minerals you should get anyway) to help with water absorbtion.  I feel so smart in that class right before Calc   I got an F on a Calc surprise group quiz.  Not many points, I can definitely bring it back to an A, but it was a real wake-up call for me this semester.

I’m pretty let-down right now because I was turned down for two full-ride scholarships to universities.  I made it to district consideration and went through so many essays and interviews, but I guess I’m not what they are looking for.  That is a rough feeling, rejection.  I’m a person of passion, who believes in earning everything.  I’m not a smart person, I’m not a good athlete, I’m not even that great in German.  I couldn’t read until third grade, and I have no idea how I can write as well as I do.  All I can say for my success thus far (and for the rest of my life) is that I try, so so so hard.  I’m an individualist who believes that it doesn’t matter where you come from, all that matters is how hard you work and how well you use what you have to end up someplace better.  I have hopes and dreams – ready to hear how silly my number one dream is? – I want to be a civil engineer.  In Germany.  I don’t want to build things, I want to restore castles and churches and historic buildings.  I have studied German since freshman year in high school and hosted German exchange students for months in my home.  I love the culture, and the history!  I want my dream and even if it means being rejected by those I seek for help, I’ll get there somehow.  I wrote a post on here a long time ago about my dream to be a marine wife, and have several kids.  This is still a dream of mine, too…

-breathes-

How’s that for personal?

I’m also getting sick of politics.  This year I’ve learned that there is no respect in opinions.  No one cares what you think, not really, unless it matches theirs and even then they only care that someone agrees with them.  I research everything continuously from about 3 different, nonpartisan sources (including whitehouse.gov GREAT site) before taking a stance.  And even then, I try to respect different opinions.  I find it humerus how two people can interpret facts so differently, based on their focus and experiences.  But anymore…there is no respect.  In real life, there is no debate where people take turns and absorb others’ thoughts.  Anymore, everyone only wants to fight and yell loudest.  I am only happy the founding fathers were able to come to any compromises at all…  People are too stubborn to see how similar others’ causes are to their own.  It’s draining to be different anymore, even if its just because my opinions are based on fact rather than emotion, or are not ‘mainstream’.  It’s hard to always be on the defense to berating attacks that are just…sarcastic and uncalled for.

In other news, I’m working with a local rescue shelter now!  Tomorrow I’ll be spending a few hours nursing newborn kittens.  I’ll try to resist putting them all in my backpack and taking them home.

Sincerely and personally,

May

As I prepare for college in another state, I am beginning to say goodbye to my high school friends.  Many of them are going to a university in the same state as their highschool, gradeschool, preschool, even birth.  They meet up in their home town with lifelong friends to play pool and share stories.  They know all the streets and alleys; where the best BBQ can be found; what park has the best climbing trees; the quickest route to everyone’s house.  Many of their neighbors can fondly recount stories of them as reckless teenagers, and they may run into their second grade teacher at church.  Some have never moved to a different house or transferred schools.  Most have had the same classmates their entire life.  A number of my very close friends plan on moving back to their home town when they finish school and marrying someone they’ve known since diaper days, raising yet another generation in the same place.

For people like me, this comfort will never been known.  My parents were both enlisted in the Air Force.  While I’ve been lucky enough to attend the same high school all four years, it is my 8th school thus far.  Each move to a different state, province, or country provided me an opportunity to start over.  Each school meant being the out cast (again) and slowly making new friends (again) – only to lose them (again) in a year or two.  With every new town or city, it may mean a new language or culture to try and learn and understand.  Most of the time my parents were gone.  This experience, however, has also exposed me to different cultures and peoples which I have come to appreciate.  Opportunities which were denied to my friends who have spent their lives in the same place.  The military life has also inspired within me a deep love of my country and of its history, and I see my parents as shining examples of who I want to be.  Although I have no lifelong friends, nor a place on the map to pinpoint and say “Here!  This is my town, this is where I come from,” maybe I still do have a home.  It’s a little bigger than my classmates, and it stretches from the lakes of Minnesota to the hills of Tennessee; across the plains of Texas; from sea to shining sea…

Have you lived in the same area all of your life?  What is your definition of home?

Maxine Hong Kingston defines family in her essay, “No Name Woman,” as having a strong, honorable mask over shameful family secrets.  Family is defined as looking out for the majority, and estranging those – even family members – that threaten that majority.  

            I feel that Kingston’s description of family is a reflection of my own.  My own uncle – my father’s only brother – is a man whom I have never, and will never, meet.  His name is Leo, this much I know, and he is my family’s dishonor that they have erased from their memories.  According to my father, Leo was always a little…off.  Instead of receiving counseling, he was drafted into the army.  While my father was enlisting, Leo was sent instead to Vietnam; an experience which shattered his fragile sanity.  My father blames himself for what happened to Leo, but even he refuses to let Leo into his life.  My uncle has raided his family’s homes, eating their food and wearing their clothes in order to “fool the men in the black helicopters.”  I remember when my grandfather died and my uncle was contacted to attend the funeral.  Leo said no, for the “government was watching him and was going to take him into testing.”  I do not know what happened to my uncle to make him this way.  I do not know his story or even what he looks like.  Much like Kingston, I have wondered, but I have also left my family skeleton in his closet.  For each family carries with their name an honor and whoever risks that family reputation is cut off.  We all wear a mask to hide our blemished family pasts.

Is your family housing a skeleton?

Not that anyone really reads this, anyway; however I’m back in the swing of school work, and therefor back to xanga.

One of our first assignments is over the novel ‘Jane Eyre’.  Many of you may have read this quite against your will in college; a select group may have read it for pure enjoyment.  While delving into the book WARNING SPOILERS! , I noticed some characteristics shared between this book and ‘Petals on the Wind’, the second in the ‘Flowers in the Attic’ series published by V.C. Andrews. 

In ‘Jane Eyre‘, our narrator falls madly in love with the much older Mr. Rochester.  They follow ‘proper’ measures, however engagement is inevitable.  On the day of their wedding, a dramatic scene ensues in which Mr. Rochester is accused of having a previous, lunatic wife.  This is proved with the evidence of the hidden Mrs. Rochester, locked away in a forbidden wing.  Jane does not want to become involved in polygamy and, despite her love for Mr. Rochester, runs away to live in solitude.  She is taken in by cousins (as we discover later in the story) and stays faithful to the man she feels she can never attain, despite desperate measures and come-on’s delivered by her male cousin.  Unsettled, she decides to return to Thornfield Hall to discover the current condition of Mr. Rochester.  She learns that he has become a blind, crippled man as the result of a fire that destroyed his home and the fire’s starter – Mrs. Rochester.  Jane tracks down the now single Mr. Rochester, and they get married and have children and live happily ever after etc. etc.

Upon untruthful information that her fiancee’, Dr. Paul, is currently married, Cathy in ‘Petals on the Wind’ immediately gives in to the ploys of an emotionally unstable suitor.  Cathy marries Julian the day of the discovery, without so much as consulting the wrongly-accused Dr. Paul.  Quite a Scarlet O’Hara move of her – but bringing in another novel is too much for one night…after becoming pregnant with Julian’s child, Cathy flees from his abuse to the asylum of Dr. Paul.  This drives Julian over the edge, and upon Cathy’s return, he breaks her ballerina toes and kills himself.  Cathy then gives birth to his child, and instead of using this chance to return to the man she loves and impulsively betrayed (Dr. Paul), she pursues her mother’s husband in revenge.  This ends with the death of Bart (her mother’s husband) in a fire started by her enraged mother, as well as the birth of another fatherless son.  By this time, Cathy has wasted not only the best years of her life, but some of the last years of Dr. Paul.  She now marries him, but he has suffered strokes and dies within the first few years. 

Here’s where I had to stop and think:  Cathy went on impulse and gave in to revenge and another suitor over discovering the truth and staying faithful.  This cost her a happy marriage with the man she really loved, and gave her in his stead two illegitimate children.  Jane, on the other hand, sought proof before taking action; remained faithful even in absence; and never forsake either her morals or her love.

And the catastrophic fires in both stories is sort of another interesting bit…

Any thoughts?

- May