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  • That Roommate That Nobody Likes..

    Anytime a group of students live together – especially girls – somebody is singled out.  She is donned the roommate that everyone else can gossip about.  Perhaps it’s the roommate with hygene issues, the one who borrows without asking, the newest of the group, the foreign exchange student, the spoilt one – for whatever reason, she is the odd man out. 

    I live in a suite-style dorm with six other girls.  I shared a room with one – we’ll call her Natalie.  Natalie and I were the only freshman, and we both did our own thing while the rest of the girls stayed pretty close.  Neither of us spent much time in the suite, but Natalie was the one singled out to be “that roommate that nobody likes”.  Perhaps it was because of her nightly party-going, or the continuous stream of men in and out of our room, or just the fact she didn’t really care what the suitemates thought…at any rate, I liked her.  I loved walking into the room and hearing her sigh, “May we NEED to talk, there’s this guy…”.  We both had our own groups of friends, and while I wasn’t a partier, I had spent a year in Europe and could swap stories.  I thought she was fun and full of life and that wild card everyone needs as a friend.

    The other suitemates didn’t agree.  The conversations I would overhear about Natalie, a girl none of them really took the time to get to know, upset me so much I would storm out of my room to set them straight.  They spread rumors about the guys she had over and the things they did together, about her home life, about pregnancy scares that never occured.  Anytime something was left a mess, they blamed her.  Whenever a noise woke one suitemate up, they blamed her.  They had friends over who never met Natalie but still knew these stories quote and verse.  It made me sick, especially when they tried to milk me for details. 

    I speak in past tense because about half-way through the semester, Natalie started getting really sick.  I would come into the room midday and she would be asleep in bed, a trash bin close by.  She was too weak to go to class, and had too much pain to eat.  The next several weeks involved regular visits to the health clinic for tests.  The vials of blood they took from her could start a bank.  But no one could really say what was wrong.

    Now the suitemates had something even juicier to gossip about.  Anytime one felt even a little groggy, it MUST be what Natalie had.  They also speculated it might be some heinous STD caught from sex or a ‘dirty needle’.  At any rate, it must have been her own fault.

    Natalie was diagnosed with several problems as the weeks wore on.  A Giardia Infection, pneumonia, lactose and gluten intolerance, yes, an STD…but despite treating all of these, she kept getting sicker and sicker.  She deteriorated like cut flowers without water, and I couldn’t help her.  Whatever was wrong was serious.  As finals approached, she began fighting the school policy, begging to be allowed to move off campus where she could be in a cleaner environment and cook her own meals (the cafeteria could not cater to her new needs).  She wasn’t doing well scholastically, and she still didn’t have the strength she needed.

    Natalie was finally allowed to move out.  She is continuing testing, and doctors are thinking it may be the early signs of Crohn’s Disease.  They are more worried that she may have an immunity-disorder which isn’t showing up yet on the tests.

     

    My suitemates pulled me aside about a week after she relocated and begged me to fill them in.  They joked that they couldn’t keep up with the gossip lately, that she wasn’t around enough to even double check new rumors.  I gave a strained smile and insisted she could move out and they wouldn’t even notice.  They only laughed; they didn’t know.

     

    I hate how Natalie has to deal with all of this.  And I hate the way she was treated by my suitemates.

    Natalie remains my friend.

     

    M

     

  • Fools Fall in Love in a Hurry

    I remember the first time I met Adam.  It might seem silly to readers, but it still makes me smile.

    My roommate, N., and I had just moved in to the dorm the day before.  The weekend was full of informational lectures, finding classes, and class-bonding activities.  While the two of us were walking from the stairwell to the exit, we saw three boys laughing and playing cards in the common area.  N., being the outgoing one, suggested we ask if they wanted to walk with us to lunch.  We sat down, and the boys agreed to go after one more game of…Go-Fish.  I guess the poker chips hadn’t been unpacked yet.

    One of the boys dealt us in.  We introduced ourselves.  There was one boy, C., who must be close to 6’5 and 300 pounds - a football player.  A second, Ginge, with bright red hair and serious sarcasm – a soccer player.  There was a third at the table - Adam – who stood up when we approached and held out his hand.  He laughed a lot, and everytime he smiled, his eyes crinkled.  He had the slightest Texan drawl.

    A few minutes into the game, I was out of cards.  I guess Go-Fish just isn’t my game.  Adam offered me his cards so I could keep playing.  I laughed it off.  (Later that night
    I won every chip in Texas Hold’Em, I might add)

    When we went to lunch, Adam and I walked a little behind the rest.  He held every door for me, listened intently to every word I said, and had me doubled over laughing at his jokes.

    As we all spent more and more time together, with the addition of a few more fellows…I noticed how little changed.  Adam was still soft-spoken and humorous, innocent yet protective.  He still held the door for me, carried my backpack, and sensed whenever something was troubling me.  He was the one who searched campus in the dark to find me a few nights later, when I was too hurt and upset to stand.  He was the one who walked along the river with me, was the one who jumped down the waterfall with me, was the one who encouraged me to go out for band, orchestra, and dance team.

    Since that first day, we always walked a few steps behind the rest.  Somewhere along the way, it seems we fell in love.

     

    M

  • Today’s Scare

    I went ice skating with my mom and the foreign exchange students she mentors.  After about an hour, we headed over to the near-by mall to eat.  While waiting in line, I started feeling queasy and lightheaded.  By the time my food was ready, I just grabbed my water and collapsed on the floor.  When I tried to stand up and walk to the bathroom, my vision clouded over and I began heaving.  I made it to the bathroom and started regaining my sight.  A nearby woman asked if someone was with me.  Then my vision clouded over again, and everyone’s voices sounded far off and muffled.  I collapsed again, apparently on top of another woman.  I couldn’t control anything, I was just trying to stay conscious.  I waited on the floor for a bit until I could stand.  I could see in the mirror how pale I was, and my skin was soaking wet.  After a few minutes I walked back into the food court.  I felt fine, but still not up to eating. 

    It was a really scary ordeal, and I can’t find a cause.  This is the second time it has happened since I came home.  I ate, although I might have been dehydrated.  I’ve also experienced a few splitting frontal headaches that left me nautious and crying while at school.

    My mom is insisting I go to the doctor.  I’m worried they are linked to my accident last summer, where the doctors were stumped that I didn’t seem to have any brain damage.  It’s not fun, and not something I want to worry about.

    Hopefully the new year isn’t full of incidents like this that bring me back to a night I refuse to remember.

    May

  • Heading Home (Short Update)

    After 16 weeks of non-stop studying – of having a Calculus book on my lap through thanksgiving, of only meeting with friends for a movie after several hours of group studying, of scouring through journals daily for essay topics…it’s over.  At 12:32 PM I turned in my term paper.  My tests are all finished.  I’m done.

    And I have no idea what to do with myself for the next month.

    I’ll get around to packing, cleaning out my fridge, and taking down my Christmas tree today.  Tomorrow at 11, my friend Tony will drive me to DIA and I’ll catch a flight to Kansas City.

    After that…I won’t have anything to study, or anything to work on.  It’s so weird.  All my friends will be scattered around the country, including Adam back in Austin.

    I can’t believe I’m saying this…but I think I’ve honestly forgotten how to relax.

    ^ My bed, looking all festive.

    My little pink tree.

    My friends flying a shark through the dorms…what?  This isn’t normal?

     

    May

  • Today’s Workout – Need Advice!

    Today was my first day back in the gym since Friday – yikes!  It is really stressful with finals and my semester paper due Friday, but I need to find time.  I am not losing weight, but I just feel so much better about myself after a work-out.

    I’m looking for any advice on my workout.  I’m not sure what else I need to add, and I’m very new to weights!

    Cardio

    - 35 minutes cross-trainer.

    Weights

    - 4 x 15 inner thigh : 40, 45, 50, 55 lb

    - 4 x 15 outer thigh : 40, 45, 50, 55 lb

    - 4 x 10 quads : 45, 50, 55, 55 lb

    - 4 x 10 hamstrings : 45, 50, 55, 55 lb

    - 3 x 20 bicept curl freeweight : 10 lb in each hand

    - 3 x 20 tricept freeweight : 20 lb

    - 3 x 20 shoulder freeweight : 5 lb in each hand (it kills!)

    - 2 x 1 minute plank

    - 3 x 20 front, left, right sit ups

    - 2 x 25 bicycle sit up

    - 3 x 1 minute “six-inches”

     

     

    In – 1145 cal

    Pomegranate – 100 cal

    Bagel – 270 cal

    Turkey Sausage – 60 cal

    2 x Egg White – 35 cal

    Raviolli – 460 cal

    Candy – 100 cal

    Gatorade – 120 cal

    Out – 410 cal

    Cross-Trainer - 320 cal

    30 minutes weight lifting – 90 cal

    Total – 735 cal

     

  • The Ball’s In Your Court

     

    I’m not a virgin.

    I am not a virgin.

    I have been used, and loved.  I know both sides of the coin.  While I don’t want to say I’ve been desensitized, maybe the truth is, I really had been.  So when I met Adam in August, and he had no interest in sleeping with me, I was a bit confused.

    Rejected may have been the better word.

    I finally had found the best fit for me - childish humor like mine, intelligent, a band geek, handsome and physically active, gentle, loving…and respectful.  Very respectful.  That’s how he explained it to me.  “May, it’s not that I don’t want to have you,” he told me, pressing my hands to his face, “but I respect you and love you too much.”  He was so sincere that I was taken aback.  I knew there were good Catholic boys who took you to church, who kissed your forehead, who saved themselves for marriage.  Just not, you know, outside of the Duggars. 

    It really tore me up inside.  I didn’t want to cheat, and I didn’t want to leave him.  I didn’t want intimacy to become an issue.  But when you’ve had it as part of your previous relationships…it can be a challenge.  His emphasis on respect made me feel that pressuring him in any way would be disrespectful to him, so I tried to understand where he was coming from, to rediscover the real meaning sex had.  I read “How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul”, I spent more time with my bible study that focused on Christian dating, I talked to people close to me, and I spent a lot of time evaluating myself.  Did I really love the man I had slept with?  No…I didn’t.

    So I let Adam court me.  And we did achieve intimacy – hours of cuddling and talking, kissing eachother until we got goosebumps, even just walking along the river together…everything carried so much more meaning.  I felt, for the first time, that I was actively experiencing each part of the relationship.  And it was beautiful.

    He knew that it hurt me, being rejected.  So a few days ago, he sat me down and told me the ball was in my court.  He wants to wait, but at the same time, he wants to make me happy.  He kissed me and promised me never to reject me again.

    But, strangely enough, I don’t think I’m ready for sex right now.  If what we have eventually leads to physical intimacy – be that marriage, or a very long term relationship – I’m okay with that.  But I’ve discovered something much more wonderful to foster in my our life – love.

     

    - May

  • 99 Reasons Why

    This year for Christmas, I didn’t buy Adam a present.

    All I did was write down one reason, every day, for the past 3 months, that I loved him.

    Last night I put the heart-shaped sticky notes throughout his dorm room.  Along his bed post, on his window, and in a big heart on his wall.

    13.  I love singing Christmas carols with you when we walk back from class at night.

    43.  I love when you suprise me and sweep me off my feet to hold me in your arms.

    48.  I love that you insist on walking on the side of the path closer to the street.

    64.  I love that you’ve never raised your voice to me.

    73.  I love you for holding me when I cry, even when I can’t form the words to tell you what’s wrong.

     

    He loved it.

    And I love him.

     

    M

  • Christmastime in Colorado

    Yesterday was another snowfall! 

    Only one week left til finals, and I have a 10 page research paper left to write.  It’s about the moral and legal responsibility of a mining corporation to restore the mining site and combat groundwater pollution.  Riveting, no?

    I spend Wednesday eating spicy Rwandan food and making Christmas cards with my bible study for an orphanage in Krystel’s home village.  She is taking them back with her when she goes home in a few weeks.  She laughed when I drew a snowman – she assured me that none of the children knew what one was.  That was really hard for me to believe!

    My dorm mates and I also decked out the suite, and hung stockings for each girl.

    Tonight is the Christmas concert.  It’s been a real struggle playing again, considering my jaw is not healed and the retainer can’t really hold the force needed for the clarinet.  But I love it, and I’m going to do my best.

     

    I hope everyone else is feeling well and getting into the holiday spirit!

     

    Wednesday was the only day this week I didn’t work out and wasn’t terribly mindful of my intake (foreign food was too tempting).  I’ve actually noticed a slight weight gain this week – not sure if it means I’m gaining muscle, or that I need to up my workout.

    Out

    30 minutes cross-trainer – 290 cal

    30 minutes weights – 90 cal

  • Day 2 : Pictures From This Semester

    I play in the band and dance with the school dance team.

    Teaching my nieces how to play pool

    Camping in the mountains

    Adam, my beau. 

    Four of my best friends on a typical Friday night – college nerds have more fun.

     

    I am suprised I found a handful of pictures with me smiling.  You can hardly see the brace!

    The first semester of college has been a few of the toughest months of my life, but definitely fun!

     

    Out

    20 minutes Cross-Trainer – 190 cal

    25 minutes Cross-Trainer – 220 cal

    16,060 steps (7.60 mi) walked

    15 minutes light weight-lifting – 45 cal

    In

    Breakfast

    Potatoes, not fried – 150 cal

    1/2 Granny Smith – 40 cal

    Turkey sausage link – 35 cal

    Black Tea – 5 cal

    Lunch

    Chicken + Veggie soup – 180 cal

    Cookie – 160 cal

    Dinner

    Turkey, eggwhite and salsa on a thin wheat bagel – 260 cal

    Coffee – 60 cal

    Snacks

    1 1/2 poptart – 150 cal

    1 frosted cookie – 160 cal

    Total

    In (1200 cal) – Out (455) = 745 cal

     

    Felt really good today – fairly full, and I got in two workouts.  I need to replace the snackfood with more fruit, though.  Cookies = my downfall.

  • Day 1 : Broken Face =/= Broken Spirit

    I’ve been busy with school, but I’d like to start posting again.

    In August, I had a second bone graft (TERRIBLE).  Christmas break I get a root canal (lovely) followed by the major implant surgery during spring break (even better).  I just hope I don’t need a third bone graft – the surgery is simply so painful, I still can’t touch my upper jaw or nose (after 4 months).  At the start of summer I should get a screw in for the implant and hopefully a cap for the other front tooth.  Eventually I might look human!  Until then, maybe losing a little weight might boost my self esteem.

    I have two weeks until my flight back to Kansas City.  I’d like to be below 130 by then.

    Starting slow the first day.  It’s hard to find healthy meals at a college cafeteria, when I have no access to my own kitchen.

    Out

    20 minutes cross-trainer – 190 cal

    In

    Breakfast

    Tomato, mushroom, and onion omlette with cheese – 300 cal

    1/2 Pomegranate – 50 cal

    Lunch

    Bagel with seeds – 270 cal

    Pat butter – 70 cal

    Coffee – 60 cal

    Dinner

    Turkey, swiss, and tomato on wheat – 315 cal

    Handfull Kettlechips – 200 cal

    Peanutbutter cookie – 90 cal

    Snacks

    1/2 serving oatmeal – 80 cal

    1/4 cup chex mix - 60 cal

    Total

    In (1495 cal) – Out (190) = 1305

     

    Not too terrible for my first day, but I need to bump up my workout and replace snacks with fruit.