October 5, 2012
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A Hostile Home
On top of everything else, things with my roommate have boiled over.
I no longer feel comfortable in my own home.
God it’s like being back in Germany.
He goes through severe mood swings – between “loving” me to the point he tries to guilt trip me for not giving him enough attention, ie. I’m studying and he shoves his hands in my face, and telling me he wouldn’t care if I died. It’s unnerving.
However, he usually bounces back quickly.
Not this time.
Because of how stressed I am, I asked him to do one little thing for me – clean the sink and the toilet in the bathroom. It takes all of ten minutes. Throughout the day, while he was playing videogames, or Magic, or sleeping, I innocently reminded him that he promised to do it today. At nine PM, when I was fretting over how to quit dance team, I gave in and cleaned the bathroom just for something to do.
I got home from dance team, my eyes puffy from crying, to have him there, angry.
“You know I would have done it. You don’t trust me”
“I gave you all day to do it, and you didn’t, so I went ahead and did it”
“I would have done it!”
“You say that about a lot of things, yet I still do your dishes and clean up after you. And it’s not fair. You have time to play games and be lazy, I don’t. I’m in the honors program, I’m on dance team. Can’t you help me out a little bit? Don’t you care how stressed out I am?”
“No, I don’t. Other people have fucking stress too, you know”
Door SLAM in my face. I tried talking to him again, begging him to be adult about it. But he was mad. He stormed out.
He didn’t come back.
I texted his mom this morning asking for advice. She said he’s an adult (HA) and she can’t do anything. He found out that I had talked to her, and was livid. He texted me viciously, claiming I was manipulative, that I was an ass, that I was an awful person – that he would never speak to me again. It escalated.
During a class we have together, I went to him, asking if we could talk about this. He said no – how could he speak to me if he was to disgusted too look at me? He added it might be weeks before he would so much as give me the time of day. I went out into the hall, leaned against the wall, and started to cry.
I’m crying because I feel like I’m stuck in an abusive relationship with my roommate.
Because we signed a year lease.
And there’s no way out of it.
And I’m unwelcome in my own home.
All I hear from him are slamming doors.
Comments (18)
Ignore him. If he wants to act like strangers, then let it be. When I was at university my roommate and I were perfect strangers, and we shared a room. Focus on your life, your school work, your dancing, etc. Let him act like a dramatic fourteen year old girl. Ten years from now you’ll be in great places and he’ll still be a pathetic, scared, little boy. The way your two’s relationship sounds like a mother and child since you have to constantly ride his ass to get shit done and you’re working your ass off. It definitely shouldn’t be that way.
Stay strong, love! This will pass as well!
Would it help you understand the situation if I told you he was probably bi-polar and sounds lazy, spoiled, and irresponsible to boot? Count yourself lucky if you don’t h ave him as a friend. I understand you want peace and I hope you get it but maybe settle for just being civil with him until the lease is up.
@MyBurningSky - I know. I have too many REAL things to worry about. I’m just not a person that deals well with conflict…and it’s hard to see him storm through the livingroom where I’m sitting and slam the door behind him every day. Ugh.
@big_fatslob - All I wanted was civil. I just want him to calmly sit down and talk to me. I don’t want him as a friend anymore. I don’t want the mind games. I just don’t want to live in such a toxic environment either.
Have you considered trying to sublease your room? (I know that this would just add more stress you really don’t need but if it gets you out of that situation it might be worth it). I’m so sorry you’re so stressed, I hope he can see how immature and stupid he is being and decide to grow up. I really hope this resolves soon for you!
That is terrible, I wish you did not have to deal with so much stress. You are a nice person and don’t deserve the stuff you have experienced.
@sonnigenmai - He’s an over dramatic, fourteen year old, girl. Don’t worry about it. Maybe he’ll grow out of it one day (personally, I don’t think that’s likely). Don’t engage. Hopefully once he realizes that his actions aren’t giving him the attention he wants, then he’ll start acting like a grown up. I honestly think that’s why he’s acting like this. He knows you’ll come to him and try to fix it. You’re giving him the attention he wants. So stop. Ignore him. Focus on you.
Wow, that’s some personality! I’ve never encountered anything like it before, only in my psychiatry books, which is horrible to say but true. Don’t give him attention by trying to make peace, that’s exactly what he wants. By doing that, you’re giving him the power to control your friendship and make the rules and you must never ever let that happen. There’s no doubt that you’re 100 % right and he needs to get his stuff together, but please don’t let his tantrums get to you and stand in the way of your goals. Ignore him, treat him like his air and doesn’t exist. My friend always says ”silence is the best treatment” and it’s true, his neediness will eventually get the best of him and he’ll go crazy when he sees that you couldn’t care less. Do your thing, go home as if he’s not there and don’t ever let him make you feel unwelcome. It’s your place too and he’s not the one in charge.
I’m SO sorry you are going through all of this! I know ignoring him and his outlandish behavior is easier said than done but I hope you can carry on with your daily routine. Stay positive hun, we are all here for you
That’s horrible! I hope somehow you can resolve this conflict. He sounds like a complete moron though.
That really sucks. Hang in there, things have to get better at some point.
you’re too much of a softyyy
your begging and attempt to chase after him to talk it out won’t work… it gives him all the power in the situation which makes him feel like he’s the person in the right.
just stick some earbuds/phones in your ears and try to put up with the door slamming for now, don’t bother to reconcile with him while he’s full of rage. he’ll stop slamming the door after a while.
don’t give him attention for his immature behaviour.
i’d honestly go in there and smash the hell out of him.
Subleasing could be a good option if the behavior doesn’t change.
I would have cleaned the sink and toilet with his tooth brush. Actually with every roommate I’ve ever had I’ve had similar situations and I’ve always ended up cleaning some sort of nasty thing with their tooth brush. I sounds awful but they’ll never know and you can just be happy in your own mind every time they brush their teeth.
I been through this. I know how it is. I am going through it right now. Not to the extreme but I am living with someone I absolutely can’t stand. I can’t even stand the sound of his breathing and we live in a studio apartment. There is no bedroom its just us in a tiny room and I want to kill him.
Good luck!
that’s too much emotion
@x_tinydreams_x - lol that’s messed up
That’s not okay for him to be like that, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. Be strong, and always be kind… no one can say anything mean about you then. You did well with the situation. If he wants to be a jerk and be strangers, then so be it. You do what you need to do for YOU, May. What makes YOU happiest. Focus on that.
Hugs.
maybe he has a lot on his mind? men are less expressive then females tend to be. if your friend came and asked you for advice regarding this situation.. what would you tell her? if it was me, i would be fuming, possibly might have fly kicked him LOL…
hope you figure it all out soontake care xx
oh man. sorry to hear that! i hate when people get upset over you being stressed–when i got really sick during finals last year, someone i was studying with said, “so what? all of us are sick too..we’re all stressed you know.” people can be so insensitive.