January 11, 2012
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That Roommate That Nobody Likes..
Anytime a group of students live together – especially girls – somebody is singled out. She is donned the roommate that everyone else can gossip about. Perhaps it’s the roommate with hygene issues, the one who borrows without asking, the newest of the group, the foreign exchange student, the spoilt one – for whatever reason, she is the odd man out.
I live in a suite-style dorm with six other girls. I shared a room with one – we’ll call her Natalie. Natalie and I were the only freshman, and we both did our own thing while the rest of the girls stayed pretty close. Neither of us spent much time in the suite, but Natalie was the one singled out to be “that roommate that nobody likes”. Perhaps it was because of her nightly party-going, or the continuous stream of men in and out of our room, or just the fact she didn’t really care what the suitemates thought…at any rate, I liked her. I loved walking into the room and hearing her sigh, “May we NEED to talk, there’s this guy…”. We both had our own groups of friends, and while I wasn’t a partier, I had spent a year in Europe and could swap stories. I thought she was fun and full of life and that wild card everyone needs as a friend.
The other suitemates didn’t agree. The conversations I would overhear about Natalie, a girl none of them really took the time to get to know, upset me so much I would storm out of my room to set them straight. They spread rumors about the guys she had over and the things they did together, about her home life, about pregnancy scares that never occured. Anytime something was left a mess, they blamed her. Whenever a noise woke one suitemate up, they blamed her. They had friends over who never met Natalie but still knew these stories quote and verse. It made me sick, especially when they tried to milk me for details.
I speak in past tense because about half-way through the semester, Natalie started getting really sick. I would come into the room midday and she would be asleep in bed, a trash bin close by. She was too weak to go to class, and had too much pain to eat. The next several weeks involved regular visits to the health clinic for tests. The vials of blood they took from her could start a bank. But no one could really say what was wrong.
Now the suitemates had something even juicier to gossip about. Anytime one felt even a little groggy, it MUST be what Natalie had. They also speculated it might be some heinous STD caught from sex or a ‘dirty needle’. At any rate, it must have been her own fault.
Natalie was diagnosed with several problems as the weeks wore on. A Giardia Infection, pneumonia, lactose and gluten intolerance, yes, an STD…but despite treating all of these, she kept getting sicker and sicker. She deteriorated like cut flowers without water, and I couldn’t help her. Whatever was wrong was serious. As finals approached, she began fighting the school policy, begging to be allowed to move off campus where she could be in a cleaner environment and cook her own meals (the cafeteria could not cater to her new needs). She wasn’t doing well scholastically, and she still didn’t have the strength she needed.
Natalie was finally allowed to move out. She is continuing testing, and doctors are thinking it may be the early signs of Crohn’s Disease. They are more worried that she may have an immunity-disorder which isn’t showing up yet on the tests.
My suitemates pulled me aside about a week after she relocated and begged me to fill them in. They joked that they couldn’t keep up with the gossip lately, that she wasn’t around enough to even double check new rumors. I gave a strained smile and insisted she could move out and they wouldn’t even notice. They only laughed; they didn’t know.
I hate how Natalie has to deal with all of this. And I hate the way she was treated by my suitemates.
Natalie remains my friend.
M
Comments (13)
Love the last sentence. Pack behavior by young men or women is so despicable.
It’s disgusting that, in order to feel as though we belong, we must make others feel as though they don’t. “I’m in, because you’re not.”
I’m guilty of it too though. In the first week of 7th grade, I remember basketball practice at P.E. We were in a circle, about twelve boys or so, and we were practicing passing the ball. Everyone wanted to fit in, of course, as this was the first week at a new school…
There was one kid who everyone could look at and see he was never going to be an athlete. So the others started passing the ball to him a little too forcefully, making sure he had no way of catching it without being knocked over. Sadly, when the ball came to me, I knew what was expected of me, and yeah… I did it too. Maybe it reveals that I’m a puss, but I’ve never forgotten that day, or the look on his face when I did what I did. I was his friend, his ally, just a summer before. It’s something I’ll always regret…
Natalie is lucky to have you. I sincerely hope the Dr’s find out what’s wrong and are able to make her life more comfortable.
I do agree with you that there’s always a roommate singled out, though in my own case, I think we’re pretty justified in our frustrations. Yours, however, is borderline sickening. I can’t believe your roommates would treat her like that without any proof or reason, and the fact they didn’t even notice she moved out is just terrible. You’re a good person to have stood by her side through it all, and I respect that immensely. I hope whatever is actually wrong with her gets solved soon, and that she can go back to normal life.
Speaking from experience, I know that you shouldn’t judge someone unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. As crazy as that may sound, it’s entirely true. With everything there is in the world to go through, you may just be witness to some of it, if you leave your eyes open and not blinded by society/custom/etc. Everything is everywhere, we need only be cognizant.
This is a sad story but it reminds me of a funny quote I once read. “Every group of friends has one person that everyone hates. If you don’t have one, it’s because you’re that person.”
Good you treat her nice.How do you get giardia? Don’t you have clean water?
This was a great post and I hope that you one day show this to her.
I feel so bad for your roomate. I had a few roomates in college who were outsiders. Usually, they were more of my friends then others because I am willing to talk to almost anyone and find different people interesting. through the different years we had one roomate who was really odd, would play his guitar naked, sometime jumping on my bed at 1Am when I was triyng ot sleep to go to my 8AM class. Another roomate was quiet and would date two or three girls at a a time. he would always say he didnt want to cheat but he had a problem saying no. He eventually got married, quit school his junior year and had a few kids with her and worked at walmart. My Senior year the roomate was a friend who was hispanic (most of our college was white & black).. but he was very much an introvert and kept to himself. He really would only talk to me in my room or his room. he only ever came out of this rom to watch a movie with me, then he would go strait back into his room.
Of course, with all of these, my other romates would sometime talk about how odd they acted, which was true, but it wouldnt go into the kind of gossiping you are talking about. sometime it was even because they were concerned about the roomate.
@GreekPhysique - I agree. I’m glad she’s away from them, honestly.
@AgainstTheWind1 - I think everyone has given in to mob metality at some point. I agree that it is sad though, especially when taken too far.
@GrainsAndOats - I hope she gets it solved too. I think it was simply that she wasn’t around much, and they liked coming up with stories of where she was or what she was doing…in other words, they needed hobbies…
@MochaSprinkle - Totally agree. Thanks for the comment
@youngvan - I’ve heard that too
It’s very true.
@phantomFive - Our school is in the Rockies, so backpacking is a regular weekend trip. She isn’t sure, but suspects the water wasn’t heated long enough to kill it off.
@perfectbody_ordie - Thank you. I might
@thiscrazyworld - I hope so too – thanks so much for reading.
@Doubledb - Some of your roommates do sound a little funny
I think it started out with them just wondering where she was and evolved from there. It’s a fine line, but in general I think men are less malicious.
M
Oh, that makes sense. Go with iodine tablets.
@phantomFive - That’s what I do - I also bring extra water if its only a couple of days.
I WANT TO PUSH YOUR SUITEMATES IN THEIR FACE!! UGH! horrible horrible bitches!!! i am really sorry about her situation
you are a good friend though. and that was really sweet that you wrote about her….how is she doing right now…do you know??