May 11, 2011
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Wasting My Life
I’ve been really hung up on one topic for a few weeks now, so maybe xanga can give me some insight.
It seems like every possible scenario for what I could do with my future is wasting my life. Women who marry young and stay at home raising kids, they are branded as wasting their lives. Women who go to college and then work hard and after a few years decide to stay at home and raise kids – same thing. Women who work their ass off their entire life and never have a family – once again will be told, waste waste waste. I feel like only men can truly achieve a “rewarding” life in our society.
Even the job I was set on doing has changed. I was so sure I wanted to be a civil engineer and rebuild churches and castles. But now that I’ve been interning as a civil engineer for the past year, I am not sure anymore. It’s essentially one of the most stressful jobs possible – you are responsible for EVERYTHING, so don’t mess it up – by the way, the due date for all of the calculations and plans is yesterday. Oh, and you get paid less than the electricians and stone-layers who are working under you.
I was really set on this job. I thought, if I can leave behind something on this earth that I created – even if it is a power plant or a small church or a bridge – if that something lives on after I am dead, then I have accomplished something with my life. I didn’t really waste it.
But I feel like living my life in a constant sea of stress and working 50 hours a week would be wasting my life. Especially since the pay rate doesn’t ensure that I’d be able to retire, or even support a family. I feel like spending my life building up would drive me into the ground.
I asked my coworkers on Monday, do you like your job? A lot of them laughed before they realized I wasn’t joking. I got a few mixed answers – many said that the job was fun (but only some of the time). All of them complained about the pay. And all of them told me (even those who claimed to ‘love’ it here), that if they could, they would have studied something else. They all even explained to me why they took the job in the first place. I worked on a construction site as a teenager or I wanted to build bridges. However, just as I’ve come to see, it’s not really so simple…
At least I’ve only wasted one year of my life deciding what I don’t want to do.
Right now I’m considering mining or petroleum engineering. Perhaps even nuclear – although events like what happened in Japan is steering me away from that. Maybe even aerospace engineering.
I don’t know what I want to do for a living. But if your job is fun, and you enjoy going, and you even get paid well for what you do…that seems like a step in the right direction for me. I’m not quite sure how family is going to fit into the mix.
I just want to look back at my time on earth and know I lived every day to the fullest.
Maybe I should just stop stressing and let what happens, happen. Some people are happy being stay-at-home moms, while others join the Navy or become doctors. Some people have families, some can’t, and some don’t want to. But maybe the whole secret to not wasting your life is to do what makes you happy – and not stress out if what you are doing with your life is different than what makes other people happy.
Thoughts?
M
Comments (35)
I wonder who it is that says “If women do A, they’re wasting their lives, if they do B, they’re wasting their lives, etc”.
@QuantumStorm - No idea, but you seem to hear it a lot. I even see posts on xanga about it o.0
@sonnigenmai - No, what I mean is, do guys say that or do girls say it?
@QuantumStorm - Good point. I’d say I hear it more from girls. Stay at home moms diss women who work and vice versa.
Then again, men tend to assume that the women should stay home when a family is started – at least the majority I’ve talked to. I don’t agree with this though
Everyone has an opinion.
M
You make the best of it. There is no waste. Every bad or good moment builds up to the grand scheme of things. Enjoy it and never consider it a waste.
@sonnigenmai - I have heard of a lot of women who get that crap from men in the engineering field. I used to think that people were more egalitarian, at least from what I saw in engineering school. I then realized that it wasn’t true when you got into the workforce, and that in my case, I was just lucky enough to hang out with like-minded guys who were very protective of our lady engineers.
And from my experience, a lot of women criticize others for both. I sound bad saying this, but sometimes it seems like the only thing holding some women bad in the field is really their own attitudes or their naysaying female peers. But like I also said, I know of a good number of women who have dealt with downright piggish males in the fields.
It will take a long time for that to change, alas.
@QuantumStorm - I was on a construction site with a coworker a few weeks ago. One of the electrical engineers on the site smiled at me and asked my coworker why he had brought his beautiful, young daughter along. All that was missing was the lip-licking. Ugh I hate it.
I had to argue my way into the engineer position. ALL of the engineers in this firm are men – so they put me with the draftwomen. I don’t want to be a draftsman, and I got really frustrated and insisted I be paired with an engineer. Two days later, I completely understood the program he was using. Now I am working independently on calculations, having someone obviously look over my work (being an intern) periodically.
Pardon the rant.
What field are you in?
M
@QuantumStorm - Aerospace is one of them I’m considering. Do you like it – honestly?
That’s terrible, but I’ve seen similar pranks over here too. I would have thought educated men wouldn’t act like 12 year old boys…but it’s not always like that.
Thanks. I think when I get a little experience under my belt I’ll be able to make him disappear all by myself – but a guy in shinning armor never hurt either.
@sonnigenmai - I’m currently a doctorate student in aerospace/mechanical engineering, with a background in mechanical and metallurgical engineering. I’ve done a lot of work in nanoscale engineering and nanomaterials chemistry, and am currently doing work involving multi-core computation and optimization.
I’ve had female friends who used to work on oil platforms. The male engineers would make sport of them by stealing their underwear. Who do they turn to, in the middle of nowhere, when that happens? It wasn’t pretty.
And I don’t entirely relate to your situation since I’m a guy, but I can understand why you would be upset about it – and you have every right to be. I can tell you though that not all of us are as bad. If that happened around my buddies, rest assured that the offender would have disappeared a long long time ago.
@sonnigenmai - Oh it’s great. It’s very difficult, and there are days when I’m rather discouraged, but honestly I think the benefits outweigh the negatives. It’s one of those fields where the going is rough but when you get a secure job and prove your worth, it’s a very rewarding career.
With mining engineering, it often involves a lot of travel, but the income is very good. I have a few friends who graduated as mining engineers and they aren’t short for cash.
Petroleum engineering is also a good way to go if you like making money. I don’t know much else about it, but I should, given that I have a at least one extended family member who works as a petroleum engineer.
I wouldn’t be so worried about the Japan issue. Remember that you can only design so much into a building to account for mother nature. They were dealing with some ridiculous earthquakes over there that no engineer could reasonably expect. I do have friends who work or are studying in the nuclear engineering field and it’s a very solid field, with a lot of money and some very interesting job prospects. In addition, a lot of the skills you pick up there can be carried over into other fields very easily.
I may be biased, but I feel that any of the engineering jobs that involve mechanical engineering, chemical engineering or electrical engineering to some significant degree (all of your choices would fall into that category) really set you up to be a versatile engineer that can tackle almost any other engineering job out there. That way if you decide to switch gears, it’s not a big step. In the end, though, it really depends on your own motivation, regardless of academic background or skills learned.
What I have learned about men and humans in general is that I can never underestimate their level of stupidity sometimes.
“But maybe the whole secret to not wasting your life is to do what makes you happy- and not stress out if what you are doing with your life isdifferent than what makes other people happy.”
You said it yourself &took the words right from my mouth.
@QuantumStorm - Thanks so much for the info. I am excited that I’m going to Colorado School of Mines – I should be able to play around a little before I really have to make a choice. I am a little worried that petroleum and mining engineering will decline as the search for more enviornmentally friendly energy increases…but mining has always been a fallback for civil (hence the college, ha). And aerospace just sounds like it would be interesting – abet fairly difficult.
M
@WondersCafe - I like that idea. But what about people who are drop outs or druggies or (you see where I’m going). Is the same thing true?
@ArmyWife4Life2007 - Thank you. I feel like I had to write it to think it
M
Depends….maybe they wanted it as part of their lives, but I think you the gist of what I meant. Hahaha.
@WondersCafe - Completely
Thanks again.
Hahaha. Word.
my thoughts are, you are beautiful. wowza yowza
@sonnigenmai - Mining will always be in demand as long as there is a demand for precious metals. Environmentally-friendly alternatives need their metals too
The same with petroleum… and even if the day comes when petroleum is no longer an option (which I highly doubt will be in either of our lifetimes, but you never know), those engineers will still be in high demand in related fields that involve polymer processing, plastics, etc – and basically any type of chemical plant that involves some sort of polymer or plastic-based processing. Furthermore, a lot of chemical/petroleum engineers are exposed to skills regarding process control and engineering management – skills that are invaluable in ANY job.
Basically what I’m saying is that you have great options and more importantly, a potential for a great career, regardless of which major you choose
I get paid shit for what I do and am exposed to all sorts of nasty diseases daily and I work on dangerous roads. High risk, low pay, long hours. But I enjoy it more often than not; it is satisfying work. I’d rather make less money doing something I enjoy rather than make more doing something I dislike.
If you want to stay at home and raise kids, do it. Nothing wrong with that and is highly rewarding if you’re fortunate enough to be able to do it.
I spent almost 6 years of my life spinning my wheels. I know how it feels too, it’s so frustrating! Oh well, the wait has been worth it.
Keep looking, you’ll find something.
I work in the oil patch, as we fondly call it in the States. There are plenty of female engineers I work with. Money is great, but you better be ready for travel and being stationed in perhps not the most fun assignments. Hours are long, perks are good, but I’m not sure how good it is a profession for a working mother, if that is your choice. Message me if you’d like to hear more about the “patch”. Good luck with your decisions.
@MedicMark - I just feel like dropping out of the work force for a year or two will somehow undermine my potential. Maybe that’s just because both of my parents worked my entire life and I lived in daycare. To be fair, my mom made a LOT more money than my dad ever did…but I just don’t know if I want to be like her, or want the year with a baby. We’ll see.
But I do lifeguarding, and while it’s no where near what you do, I get where you’re coming from. The first time I saved a kid’s life was amazing.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Thanks Lynn
@ccrider17 - I sent you a message – thank you
@QuantumStorm - That’s really encouraging! I think I’ll probably know more what I want to do when I’m in college and can get a feel for the different fields. I’d love to keep in touch with you, though, especially if I do chose aerospace!
M
Someone once told me “do something you have a passion for and you’ll never have to work a day in your life”.
@Roadlesstaken - Good words to live by. Thank you
Most people would not do their job if they had a guaranteed pay check (no matter what they did). Most would just go sit on a beach, or watch TV. Some would try to accomplish things, but it would be different than what they get paid for. And some very few would keep doing what they get paid for now.
I feel this exact same way! It’s awful. I have spent yrs stressing over this and coming up with aall these different ideas for careers I could have. It hasn’t helped me at all. I think you haven’t wasted at yr at all. It’s very good that you have had this experience because you have learned alot about the career andyou have seen that it’s not exactly what you thought it was in your head. That ha happened to me plenty of time!!! And it is still good work experience. It’s better than going to school for yrs then finding out it’s not what you want. Just keep on thinking ofall the options you have. You can still do anything you want. And your family will fall into place when it’s ment to happen. Don’t worry. If you decide you want kids you and your other will work it out. You don’t have to worry about giving up a career for kids. No one should have to do that unless they really want to. Good luck. I hope you relax and find something that you will truely love as your career
@phantomFive - I know and I find that so sad. I want to like what I do with my life o.0
@shariya21 - First of all, you are awesome. Thank you for your advice and good wishes. I hope we both figure out what to do with ourselves
M
Do you know what you would do if you didn’t have to worry about money? Frankly sitting on the beach doesn’t sound that bad.
@phantomFive - If I didn’t have to worry about money, I’d be a lifeguard and swim instructor my entire life.
lol ok, you go for the beach thing too. But swim instructor is something you can actually do, and even make good money doing. The only tricky part is learning how to manage the business side of it…..
@phantomFive - I don’t know. You generally get replaced from the system in your twenties. It’s more a job for college students than anything. As for pool management or something like that….eh. I wouldn’t mind training lifeguards and swim instructors, but that pays about the same ammount as lifeguarding.
Yeah, you would have to be a really good swim instructor, like convincing parents that you could help their kids get to the level of a competition swimmer (like olympics or something) if they work hard enough. Then you would have lots of people interested in your swimming instruction.
@phantomFive - But I’m not that good…although I could see myself working for Red Cross and training other people to do my job. But a hard-core swim trainer would be difficult for me…who knows?
What would you do, then? If you could do anything, reguardless of money?
M
I would invent artificial intelligence. And compose musicals