October 16, 2010
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He is my heart…
He is my heart…the mind cannot withhold secrets from its own heart…
Mittwoch 13 Oktober 2010
…so yesterday Markus picked me up after school in R. We took the train into the city and walked into the cinemax. I love the theater because it has all these movie scenes painted around the building – like Jurassic Park and the Simpsons. We saw “Despicable Me” and probably laughed more than the child audience for whom the film was intended. I love that he allows me to be a little kid. Then we went to this cheap little Thai place by the K.S.H. He told me how he blew out his knee last year playing soccer. He couldn’t walk for 6 weeks, and can’t play sports anymore. From what he told me, I think sports were his life before that happened. It’s really sad. He also told me about family issues. The parents of his mom and his dad always fight. It is to the point that Markus has absolutely no contact with his mom’s family. Last week the grandparents called his mom and told her she was a terrible daughter. It’s really terrible because his dad’s family – the only people he has access to – include only a grandmother. All his aunts and uncles are dead, he has three cousins on his mom’s side that he doesn’t know, and he’s an only child. I can’t imagine how lonely Thankgiving would be, if they had it here. As fucked up as my family situation is, at least I have one. I always felt alienated by my half-siblings, but at least I’ve always had the crazy Schreiner family and Aunt Sue and all the second and fourth cousins six times removed. And Aunt Karen and Cori – what is a holiday dinner without a huge family to drive you crazy?…
…I think he’d do really well with my family. My nieces and J would love to play (a safe amount) of soccer with him. I can see him sitting outside with my dad next to a fire, or going shooting with me. We are different from eachother in so many ways, but I can see him staying in my life. Its just a matter of figuring out if he is really who I want, and how to keep him without compromising my dreams…
…he came at noon Saturday. I had music until eleven, but I was there to pick him up. We walked through the city and bought a flower for my hostmom. Then we went to R. I had to go to the doctor but eventually we sat down together for dinner. Then Markus and I met up with Jo at the C. for a drink in a room designed to look like a sea cavern – with fish in the floor!…Sunday Markus was over early. We ate breakfast together before all going to (an amusement park). It was free for everyone from my village – yay! We met up with Jo and therefore had to ride every waterride. We also rode the main costers. We went to the knight show and saw Jo’s French lover. A guy dressed like Charlie Chaplin called Markus “Peter”, embraced him, and pretended to steal his wallet. The entire audience was laughing almost as hard as I was…afterwards we found out my hostdad had broken his foot and was in the hospital…Monday I came home for lunch and he was there. We walked up the mountain in R. It was romantic, very romantic, but when we tried to enjoy the romantic mood in a lookout cabin, a jogger ran past. We decided lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice, when lo and behold an elderly couple walked by. We decided to give up. The awkward part was walking past the old couple on the way back down the mountain!…
…awkward but endearing. I really like that we can be ourselves with eachother. It’s only when you stop caring how they’ll interpret you, that you can be yourself. And its only when they see you as you are, and accept you just so, that they can ever love you.
