January 17, 2010
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Skeleton
Maxine Hong Kingston defines family in her essay, “No Name Woman,” as having a strong, honorable mask over shameful family secrets. Family is defined as looking out for the majority, and estranging those – even family members – that threaten that majority.
I feel that Kingston’s description of family is a reflection of my own. My own uncle – my father’s only brother – is a man whom I have never, and will never, meet. His name is Leo, this much I know, and he is my family’s dishonor that they have erased from their memories. According to my father, Leo was always a little…off. Instead of receiving counseling, he was drafted into the army. While my father was enlisting, Leo was sent instead to Vietnam; an experience which shattered his fragile sanity. My father blames himself for what happened to Leo, but even he refuses to let Leo into his life. My uncle has raided his family’s homes, eating their food and wearing their clothes in order to “fool the men in the black helicopters.” I remember when my grandfather died and my uncle was contacted to attend the funeral. Leo said no, for the “government was watching him and was going to take him into testing.” I do not know what happened to my uncle to make him this way. I do not know his story or even what he looks like. Much like Kingston, I have wondered, but I have also left my family skeleton in his closet. For each family carries with their name an honor and whoever risks that family reputation is cut off. We all wear a mask to hide our blemished family pasts.
Is your family housing a skeleton?
Comments (5)
Great post. My parents are the shame; they converted from Greek Orthodox to Pentecostal Christian, and their relatives are still not that pleased about it.
@GreekPhysique - Thank you. I felt I owed him that much, just to admit to complete strangers that he exists…I’m sorry about the treatment of your parents. Families really carry weight with religion.
I think all families have secrets best left secrets unless the skeleton is still alive and abusing family members. We had an uncle that our MIL caught abusing our daughters. My wife kicked him out of the house that minute and he disappeared.
Sadly, many of our veterans are very emotionally disturbed by what they saw, heard and experienced. The deserve our nation’s best help, but I hear that help is not always available or the right kind. I do not know.
frank
Sadly my family does with the main driving issue being between my older brother and pops. My father had to leave my older brother behind when he escaped during the Vietnam War.
It’s nice to see you back to blogging!
My family seems to have a skeleton in each of the closets. I have a hard time remembering what’s a sekeleton and what’s just a coat rack.